It's said that you can never go back home again. Well that's bullshit. You can, it's just that home might not be as charming or as....well....inhabited by worthwhile people as you remember it.

You see, not only do I attend school in Appalachia but I was born there as well. This is why I feel like I relate so well to the humble surroundings of Athens. In other words, don't laugh at the townies you suburban piece of shit, only I can do that because I understand them.

Upon entering Cambridge today I was able to pass 30% of the people I know in the first 10 minutes. I passed my dad, my little cousin, my mom's best friend, Skip Wetherall, and the family which is about to buy my house before I even got to a stop light. (An aside to the 12 year old who will eventually take my room: If you even think about removing the motorcycles that were stenciled on my wall when I was 8 so help me I will declare Jihad.) Some of you may see this as an enticing characteristic of small town life. However, I should also add that I passed a house that has been under never-ending remodeling since 1988, the halfway demolished high school that remains there because the YMCA doesn't have the funds to build yet and probably never will, and a veritable cornucopia of 13 year old kids smoking cigarettes while they should undoubtedly be in school.

See. This is home. The town is backrupt and will probably remain that way because we have elected an administration that adamently refuses to take its head out of its ass and realize that it's forcing an entire generation of its smartest offspring to leave and never come back. In the early 90's this town refused to accept the offer of getting the Ohio Valley Mall, citing that it might hurt our historic downtown. The same downtown that has recently booted the only formal wear store in the area. They had a lock on the market. How do they NOT succeed? Also, Main Street has been flooded in the last decade with businesses that are so ridiculous in nature they torture the minds of competent men. A few years ago a store went in that specialized in selling pizza......FROZEN pizza. You would call, place an order, and go pick up your made to order frozen pizza. The catch of course....YOU HAD TO COOK THE MOTHERFUCKER! The sound you hear is my head banging against the desk. Someone in the area decided to support their family on the premise of selling takeout food that you had to go home and cook. Outstanding.

Look, I know we aren't the smartest people in the world but for the last 25 years we've had two of the biggest interstates in the nation intersecting right at our little town. As anyone will tell you, this should be an enormous economic advantage. Yet, we are led by people who insist on doing things the only way they've ever known.

Is there a way to fix this? Yes. We need every smart person who left this place to return and make things right. All recent graduates should rally and stay in Cambridge and mend the mess that remains. We should plead with others to not give up on this little settlement and help it grow.

Unfortunately I can think of no way to honestly project this idea to my peers. Every instinct I have says, "Get the fuck out. Now." And that makes me sad. I don't want to return here with my family one day and have to explain to them that for some reason I'm not ashamed of where I'm from. I don't want to be like those small river communities whose only reason for living is to see if the football team is going to be any good this year. This truly scares me more than anything else in this world.

By the way, the Cambridge Bobcats played in a playoff game tonight. They lost 58-14. We might wanna start balancing that budget soon Mr. Mayor.