Holy Cross Promotion, Batman!

Note: This is a column I wrote for Atomicsportsmedia.com, a website I write for weekly. I guess I put it here because it's similar in nature to the "ramblings" post from a few weeks ago. It'll be published on Friday, consider this an inside look. So enjoy...I guess.

In Case You Missed It…

In the wide world of sports there are always stories that slip through the cracks. ASM’s Jess Mosser has taken the liberty of forfeiting his social life and tracking them down for you, the reader.

In a world where hard news blankets the journalistic landscape, an occasional peppering of light-heartedness should always be appreciated. That’s why I’ve taken the time to hunt down the stories that didn’t make the front page because they were either unimportant, insincere or just plain stupid. So if you share my unquenchable penchant for useless information or if you have five minutes to waste, by all means, keep reading.

It can be argued that attending the Kentucky Derby is more about establishing social status than actually watching the race; however, the event’s latest stunt may remove all doubt. In addition to the plethora of comically-oversized hats, the Derby will also serve a souped up version of its famous drink, the mint julep, whose cost will total at $1,000.

For the price of an African village’s annual food supply, an avid racing fan can imbibe the refreshing cocktail that features one of Kentucky’s finest bourbons, mint from Morocco, ice from the Arctic Circle, sugar from the South Pacific and will be served in a 24kt gold cup with a silver straw. No word, however, on whether or not the customer will be hand-fed grapes and fanned with palms by gap-toothed locals.

Rumors throughout the bluegrass state have also hinted that infamous rappers Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz have already purchased box seats.

Let’s shift from the obnoxiousness of a $1,000 whiskey to something that almost makes as much sense: A 9 year old bullfighter. Rafita Mirabal of Mexico has already taken part in fifteen bullfights and has no intention of stopping. Thankfully, Rafita doesn’t have to worry about any pesky parents to get in the way of him and his lofty, albeit potentially deadly dream.

“This has always been his passion,” Rafita’s father, Rafael, told reporters, “I ask God to take care of him. But he has to keep his grades up to keep doing this.”

When I was 9 my grandma gave me a dollar for a good report card. Rafita gets to wear a cool costume, wield a sword and run around with bulls. I feel slightly cheated. It should be noted, however, that the fights featuring the Michelle Wie of bizarre sports aren’t really the same as normal fights. Since Rafita is only 9, he’s not strong enough to drive a sword into the bull’s heart and would instead only wound it.

“He would only wound the animal and they would repeat the thing about (the sport) being a massacre,” said Jose San Martin, Rafita’s manager.

I guess we should all be happy there’s a voice of reason to look out for the welfare of the bull while a child runs around in an attempt to annoy it. You just keep doing your thing, Rafita.

Segueing from the youth of Mexico to their lazier counterparts in the States, students at Benoit College in Wisconsin have recently set a new world record for the longest game of Ultimate Frisbee. Baring the elements, (which included a hailstorm,) and a few sprained ankles, this group of America’s future leaders spent 72 hours and 10 minutes on the pitch. This topped the old record of 70 hours and 19 minutes set by a club in Leeds, England.

The previous few statements raise a couple of questions. One: Is Ultimate Frisbee’s playing surface really referred to as a “pitch?” I just made that up. Two: How many classes had to be skipped to get this done? My guess, given substitutions were allowed, is three per player.

As a fellow collegian, I must say that I’m impressed they were able to gather enough people to stay focused on a task for three straight days. When I ask my roommates if they want to run to the store for groceries they respond, quote, “Nah, we have ketchup in the fridge.”

Moving yet again, this time from the admirably durable to the undeniably whiny, a baseball player’s law suit for damages incurred by getting beaned in a community college game has been shot down by the California State Supreme Court.

Rio Honda Community College’s Jose Avila, who was hit by a pitch in a 2001 contest against Citrus Community College, filed suit against both schools, Citrus’ manager and the helmet manufacturer among others. In old-school fashion the state’s highest court issued a ruling that resonated with chin-music artists abroad.

"For better or worse, being intentionally thrown at is a fundamental part and inherent risk of the sport of baseball," the court wrote. "It is not the function of tort law to police such conduct."

I for one applaud the court for its clear siding against crybabies and little-league washouts everywhere. At least Don Zimmer attacks a pitcher forty years his younger when he feels a bean ball was uncalled for. The Zim would never stoop so low as to take it to the courts. Perhaps Mr. Avila could take a lesson from the old, senile man with a plate in his head.

Things might not be that bad for Jose, though. I fully expect Peter Gammons or Buster Olney to write a column next week detailing his signing with the Nationals and how the threat of legal action should deter Pedro Martinez from throwing at anymore of their players.

At this point you either feel highly enlightened or completely stupefied. Either way, I think I’ve done my job. It’s a wild world out there and every now and again the average Joe deserves to read about something other Barry Bonds. Besides, Pedro Gomez gets really upset if you step on his turf.

Jess Mosser is a columnist for Atomic Sports Media who also writes for The Post at Ohio University. He’s also proud of the fact that he’s written nearly twenty columns and not one of them was on Barry Bonds. You can reach him at jesse.mosser@atomicsportsmedia.com.