I am an insomniac.

Yep. I'm one of those people who keeps outrageous hours thoughout the week for no apparent reason. Don't confuse me with those who stay up late, working on things, solving problems, kicking ass all in the name of being that extreme. No, you see I want to sleep. I really do. I just can't. I go to bed, thinking that I didn't get that much sleep the night before and shouldn't have much trouble nodding off. 3 hours later I find myself on my computer checking the latest transactions in Major League Baseball, reading blogs from Capitol Hill, and glossing over notes for a random course...maybe.

I've been this way for some time. I guess it started when I was just a little squirt. My mom once told me that when I was a toddler she didn't think I held the capacity to blink. Whenever someone entered the room, made a sudden movement, or even breathed in a rhythm that was unorthodox for them I'd immediately whip my little head around and stare them down in an overly-observant fervor. One time, when I was refusing to go to sleep, my grandma manually held my head down for an hour or so I wouldn't pop up everytime there was a foreign noise and take a visual scan of the perimeter. That really happened.

I think this problem stems from the idea of "having" to fall asleep. I know that everyday I have a 9 am class. I also know that I have to fall asleep. Sure fire anxiety ensues and I end up on the couch with a laptop, like right now. Like most anything that happens to a person on a regular basis, I've developed a regiment of sorts to cope with this stigma.

First of all, the idea of a college student even considering going to bed before midnight is laughable. It just doesn't happen. Forget it. So around 1 I start to plan out whether or not it's gonna be one of those nights. I try to set the mood, so to speak, by turning out the overhead light and switching on a green glitter lamp I got for Christmas this year. This might sound foolish to you but I'm tired of finding things to do at 6 in the morning so these measures have to be taken. After some TV, I then set the sleep alarm for one hour and lay face down waiting for that sweet, sweet slumber. What usually happens, however, is the same thing that happened when Grandma was just trying to get me to lay the FUCK down. Something witty is said on the telly and I pop up for the visual conformation of this juicy statement I just overheard. Damn, foiled again.

So after hearing the TV click off, I lay for a while more. This silent sedentary position is something that I've never been fond of and my mind starts to wander. I ponder as to whether or not I should go out this Thursday and analyze my mental pro/con list. I wonder if that kid in my Graphics class is still awake right now and if he's ever going to be not annoying at 9 am. I think that perhaps my alarm isn't set. I check it. It is. Damn. All that for nothing.

Of course there's a cutoff point for this part of the process. Once you hit 4 o'clock it's time to come down off the loft, regroup, do some reading, and get back on that horse. Well as it turns out, once I get out of that bed...I'm done. I check my email, eventhough I did the very same right before I first got in the bed and if someone sent me an email at 3 am it'd be borderline creepy.

After coming to the realization that I'm not going to sleep tonight, I move to the only thing that can curve a college student's boredom for hours. Facebook. Oh I'm not proud of it...but I'm not ashamed either. I peruse the volumes of personal information available at my fingertips and do so for an extended period of time. I look at my friends. I look at my friends' friends. I make the connection. I look at what classes they take. I make mental notes of all these relationships so in case I ever meet these people I can feel at ease, knowing we've already spent sufficient time getting to know each other. And by "getting to know each other" I mean flipped through their webshots or looked at what Sex in the City quote they've used to describe their complex personality.

However, even the fountain of knowledge that is Facebook has its limits and I must find other means of entertainment. Enter google. Do you know me personally? Well then there's a good chance I've googled your name at 5 am. You know, just for kicks. I don't know about you but I enjoy finding out that a friend I met at school once scored 12 points in a high school basketball game in Cleveland. This is what I do, don't judge. You'll also be pleased to know that none of you have turned up as convicted sex offenders....yet.

When all this fails there's no better use of time than the illegal downloading of music. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not stealing it...I'm sharing it. Therefore, I'm nothing more than a nice guy. The conception of DC++ has done wonders for this practice on the OU campus. I download entire albums in seconds. I get movies in about 15 minutes. I have more music than I've ever listened to and it's all because I can't sleep. (By the way, I downloaded William Shatner's debut album. Genius.)

As I begin to wrap this up I want you to know that it's 7 am and I think I might get a shower soon to start the day. This blog has taken up valuable time that otherwise would have been spent reading up on that mutual friend who happens to be in a class of mine or delving into one of your personal histories. It's rambled too long. It's failed to come back to a point. It's probably just wasted a little piece of your life, but it got me through the night. Thanks....I guess.

"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed." -Ambrose Bierce